As busy adults, we can easily resort to communicating via text message. Need to see if someone has a book your child needs to read for school? Text 'em! Want to know if your friend can get together Friday for coffee? Text 'em! Checking in on a friend with the flu? Text 'em!
It is great for quick thoughts, simple questions, or making plans to get together. What texting is NOT great for is authentic communication. Too much is lost in print, too much room for things to be misconstrued, and too much temptation to be more harsh than you might be in person. Even the experts on proper communication agree that any serious conversation needs to happen in person. I am not making this up, this is not just my opinion, but I have definitely experienced this and found it to be true.
However, it seems our Microwave Society, hooked on the instant gratification of texting and social media messaging for communication, has lost interest in personal communication, in face-to-face relationship. We're too busy, too important, and too impatient.
When I have tried to plan a face-to-face with someone to have a touchy or difficult conversation, people often go on the defensive (therapists and relationship experts believe that defensiveness shuts down any attempts at effective communication). Or worse, they go on the offensive (the best defense is a good offense, right?). The meeting doesn't generally take place because things are said via text or message system that are too hurtful to overcome - or one party just plain doesn't want to meet. Maybe they feel backed into a corner.... Maybe they feel threatened. Maybe they don't value the relationship enough to actually carve time and energy out to get together.
Whatever the reason, we are losing something truly valuable: the ability to navigate conflict well, disagree with grace and love, and improve our relationships through true intimacy. And if that isn't enough of a reason to figure this problem out (and QUICK!), we are not doing a great job of raising the next generation to be very good at it in the process!
My oldest daughter has had some really messy situations to deal with due to handling concerns/conflicts via a message system. When I have stepped in to help guide the situation, I noticed that a lot of parents aren't well-equipped to help their teens navigate conflict well. (Side note: I'm not great at it either, but I am willing to keep trying until we get it figured out!) How can we expect our kids, with under-developed brains and immature emotional intelligence, to navigate the intricacies of interpersonal relationships well if we adults cannot lead by example?
The temptation to handle everything via the written word, dashed off quickly and without thought to how it will be interpreted, is great, I'm not going to lie. And I am not without fault in this area. But we don't have to be so stubborn that we cannot learn from our mistakes, right? How many of us have had someone say something hurtful in writing that we are pretty confident wouldn't have been said to our face over a cup of coffee? [raises hand] And how many of us have regretted something we said in writing because we didn't intend it to be interpreted the way it was? [raises hand]
It is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I, for one, do not wish to be insane; I've made it this far without losing my mind. ;)
It is great for quick thoughts, simple questions, or making plans to get together. What texting is NOT great for is authentic communication. Too much is lost in print, too much room for things to be misconstrued, and too much temptation to be more harsh than you might be in person. Even the experts on proper communication agree that any serious conversation needs to happen in person. I am not making this up, this is not just my opinion, but I have definitely experienced this and found it to be true.
However, it seems our Microwave Society, hooked on the instant gratification of texting and social media messaging for communication, has lost interest in personal communication, in face-to-face relationship. We're too busy, too important, and too impatient.
When I have tried to plan a face-to-face with someone to have a touchy or difficult conversation, people often go on the defensive (therapists and relationship experts believe that defensiveness shuts down any attempts at effective communication). Or worse, they go on the offensive (the best defense is a good offense, right?). The meeting doesn't generally take place because things are said via text or message system that are too hurtful to overcome - or one party just plain doesn't want to meet. Maybe they feel backed into a corner.... Maybe they feel threatened. Maybe they don't value the relationship enough to actually carve time and energy out to get together.
Whatever the reason, we are losing something truly valuable: the ability to navigate conflict well, disagree with grace and love, and improve our relationships through true intimacy. And if that isn't enough of a reason to figure this problem out (and QUICK!), we are not doing a great job of raising the next generation to be very good at it in the process!
My oldest daughter has had some really messy situations to deal with due to handling concerns/conflicts via a message system. When I have stepped in to help guide the situation, I noticed that a lot of parents aren't well-equipped to help their teens navigate conflict well. (Side note: I'm not great at it either, but I am willing to keep trying until we get it figured out!) How can we expect our kids, with under-developed brains and immature emotional intelligence, to navigate the intricacies of interpersonal relationships well if we adults cannot lead by example?
The temptation to handle everything via the written word, dashed off quickly and without thought to how it will be interpreted, is great, I'm not going to lie. And I am not without fault in this area. But we don't have to be so stubborn that we cannot learn from our mistakes, right? How many of us have had someone say something hurtful in writing that we are pretty confident wouldn't have been said to our face over a cup of coffee? [raises hand] And how many of us have regretted something we said in writing because we didn't intend it to be interpreted the way it was? [raises hand]
It is said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. I, for one, do not wish to be insane; I've made it this far without losing my mind. ;)
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