Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from February, 2018

You Can Keep Your Boxtops; I'll Keep My Spoons

Life as a suburban mother is tricky. Because, Mommy Wars. You don't breastfeed? Inconceivable! Your baby needs your milk, you selfish hag! You exclusively breastfeed? The horror! How dare you flash your sex objects here, you shameless hussy! You homeschool? [eye roll] Overprotective much? Your kids go to public school? {gasp} Aren't you afraid of all the bullying, gangs, and drugs? Your children don't play sports? They're going to be fat and lazy! Your children play a sport EVERY SEASON?! You are setting them up to need constant busyness in their lives! Don't you know children need to experience boredom?!? Why do you let your kids play video games? They're going to grow up to be murderers! You don't buy exclusively organic food? All those chemicals are going to give your children diseases! Why do you even buy organic? Don't you know it's all a farce to make idiots like you spend more money? I mean... really. Are we trying to make ou