Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Proverbial Straw

How many times have you met The Straw?  You know the one: it's the very last straw you can handle... the one that "breaks your back?"  Furthermore, how many times have you met The Straw... only to find you can handle more than you thought you could?  Yeah, that's God.

Sometimes, i really think God has a LOT more confidence in me than He should... until i remember that He doesn't actually want me to handle anything.  He wants me to give it all to Him and Let. Him. Handle. It. All.

Okay, i'm a work in progress, and i am teachable.... mostly.  Well, He must still think i am if He's still wasting His time on me.

Several times over the past year, i have believed that i have reached the peak of what i can handle.  You understand - you've been there, no doubt.  Not surprisingly, though, i have mostly been wrong.  I can apparently handle quite a bit.  This past week, month, year, i have learned a lot about myself, a lot about my family, a lot about the world, and a whole lot about God.

While i appreciate the efforts to which God goes to ready me for His Kingdom, i must admit the process is often filled with grief and pain.  There is grief over the loss of self, the loss of relationship, the loss of understanding, and the loss of what i imagined was there before i learned it was a farce.  There is emotional pain, spiritual pain, mental pain, and physical pain.  And just when i think i can't take another cut, someone lays another blow on me.  Sometimes, i rant to a close friend and the steam subsides.  Other times, i bring my concerns to God and the Spirit calms me.  Rarely, but occasionally, i find myself enjoying a small pity party.  Those don't last long, but they are wrenching and bleak.

I have not know how to write on my blog during the past week or so - life has been too difficult to say anything positive or funny, and i do hate to make this blog a place for my whining.

However, tonight, i feel led to share.  It seems many of us are being "sifted" in preparation of the troubles ahead. I offer my prayers to each of you who rides this train with me.  The journey is long, the battles are weary, but the Spirit is capable.

May God bless you through your suffering.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Ever Get the Feeling...

... that the whole world has gone mad and you are the only sane person left?  I realize that is often the definition of insanity, but sometimes i really think it's an accurate assessment of the situation.

Imagine a world in which everyone took responsibility for his/her actions and words.
Imagine a world in which people cared about other people's feelings more than their own.
Imagine a world in which people who supposedly cared about you didn't resort to throwing stones whenever their feelings were ruffled.
Imagine a world in which a ridiculous situation could be cleared up with a simple "i'm sorry" or a turning to truth.


'Course, that would be Heaven, 'cause it sure ain't happenin' here on this Earth.

Monday, August 16, 2010

God "Gets" Us

After a long weekend of hiking about in the Fall Creek Falls State Park, i have come to a stunning realization: God 'gets' me.  That may seem like something of a 'duh' moment for some of you, but i have begun to understand for the first time in my life that i am fine just the way i am.  I am quirky, anxious, compassionate to an extreme, moody at times, generous to a fault, pessimistic more than optimistic, fearful of just about everything, and overall, a strangely functional person with a variety of oddities.

However, in all of that, God 'gets' me.  He understands where i have been, knows what hands i have been dealt in life, and is aware of my hang-ups and coping skills.  He 'gets' me.

He created me SO THAT i could go through all that i have gone through and SO THAT i would come out of it all in JUST such a manner as i have.  He 'gets' me.

So, though i often struggle with the people in my life who do not understand me, i can rest in the comfortable knowledge that it doesn't matter whether they do or not.  My God, above all else, 'gets' me.

And i can look into the beautiful faces of my children, quirky and difficult though they may be, and know that God 'gets' them, too.  He understands all He has asked of them, all He continues to ask of them, and all He asks of me as their mother.  He 'gets' us all.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

What is Normal... Exactly?

The word "normal" comes from the Latin roots that indicate "made according to the square" as in a carpenter's square.  So, you have this tool - it is inanimate and does not move... therefore it does not change.  Hence, you make something using it or according to it and you get... something square, right?  That's normal.  That follows the norm.  Makes sense.

But to say something is "not normal" or a person is "not normal" is to indicate that there is something "off" or "different" or "not quite right" with it/him/her.  You tracking?  I am "not normal" in that i can feel a UTI before it develops and can take steps to ward it off.  Never had a full-blown UTI in my life thanks to this "abnormality."  I am "not normal" because i have bunions on both feet and cannot shop for shoes in "normal" sizes or "normal" stores like the rest of the planet.  I get to spend way more money for this "abnormality," incidentally, than the average shoe-buyer spends.  I am "not normal" when it comes to my taste buds because God blessed me with an overdeveloped sense of taste combined with a texture sensitivity.

Last week, i caught a bit of Joyce Meyer on television while on vacation.  She was talking about the power of words.  I have heard it before; i get it.  There is inherent power in the spoken word.  Negativity breeds negativity; we know that.  But she specifically said, "be careful what you say about your children." and. i. was. crushed.

What have i done?  How many times have i said my children are "not normal" or "different" in some way?  Especially over the last few months as i have spent oodles of time and money researching Sensory Processing Disorder (a.k.a. Sensory Integration Disorder).  Oh.  Wow.  Darnit!

Well, i can't take it back, but i can start changing my vocabulary.  My children are not normal... but that is because the Carpenter Who made them doesn't use a "square" - He uses His heart, His hands, His eyes, His breath, and His Words.  The Potter Who created us began with a Thought, an Idea, and a Dream.

The power of the spoken word created this world, and it is the essence of each of us.  And we are NOT square.  We are unique, colorful, quirky, and radiant.

I choose to embrace my differences, seek out the uniqueness in each of my children, and stop letting the word "normal" have so much sway in my life.  My children are exactly what God intended them to be... which, needless to say, is not a bunch of squares.