How many times have you met The Straw? You know the one: it's the very last straw you can handle... the one that "breaks your back?" Furthermore, how many times have you met The Straw... only to find you can handle more than you thought you could? Yeah, that's God.
Sometimes, i really think God has a LOT more confidence in me than He should... until i remember that He doesn't actually want me to handle anything. He wants me to give it all to Him and Let. Him. Handle. It. All.
Okay, i'm a work in progress, and i am teachable.... mostly. Well, He must still think i am if He's still wasting His time on me.
Several times over the past year, i have believed that i have reached the peak of what i can handle. You understand - you've been there, no doubt. Not surprisingly, though, i have mostly been wrong. I can apparently handle quite a bit. This past week, month, year, i have learned a lot about myself, a lot about my family, a lot about the world, and a whole lot about God.
While i appreciate the efforts to which God goes to ready me for His Kingdom, i must admit the process is often filled with grief and pain. There is grief over the loss of self, the loss of relationship, the loss of understanding, and the loss of what i imagined was there before i learned it was a farce. There is emotional pain, spiritual pain, mental pain, and physical pain. And just when i think i can't take another cut, someone lays another blow on me. Sometimes, i rant to a close friend and the steam subsides. Other times, i bring my concerns to God and the Spirit calms me. Rarely, but occasionally, i find myself enjoying a small pity party. Those don't last long, but they are wrenching and bleak.
I have not know how to write on my blog during the past week or so - life has been too difficult to say anything positive or funny, and i do hate to make this blog a place for my whining.
However, tonight, i feel led to share. It seems many of us are being "sifted" in preparation of the troubles ahead. I offer my prayers to each of you who rides this train with me. The journey is long, the battles are weary, but the Spirit is capable.
May God bless you through your suffering.