When my son was a preschooler, he hated to have his hair cut. He said it physically hurt him. So we let it go for awhile before we finally took him to a barber. He was a big boy for his age, and the barber was decidedly harsher than he should have been when my son flinched and squirmed. I had to reiterate to the barber more than once that my son was still only 3, even though he looked to be over 4 years of age. The barber was frustrated by my son's sensory issues, didn't approve of my parenting, and we didn't go back.
When my youngest child was an infant, she didn't sleep well. I co-slept with her until she had her tonsils and adenoids removed at 2 years of age for obstructive sleep apnea, which I wouldn't have caught if I hadn't co-slept. All the while, my fellow mothers criticized me, telling me all the ways I was failing as a mother.
When that same child was toddler, I was the mother ignoring a screecher in her buggy at Target, because waiting for her to be in good spirits to do my shopping wasn't an option - she didn't like being restrained, and the bright lights and noise of the store bothered her, so there was never a good time to shop, and the shopping had to get done. My husband had a hard time dealing with her because she was so needy and demanding. You saw me in the store, and I knew you were judging me, but I didn't have much choice in how I handled the situation, so I tried to ignore the shaming looks and just buy the doggone diapers and groceries I needed to make it another few days.
When I decided to homeschool my children, people in my family and friend groups made gross assumptions about my motivation, criticizing my parenting, ridiculing my choice, and even grilling my oldest child about her lessons whenever they had the opportunity (which was whenever I wasn't around - shame on them!). Their constant interrogations made my daughter feel stupid and led her to wonder if I was a bad mom, if she wasn't learning enough... because, why else would all these grown-ups question what I was teaching her?!
When my health took a bad turn and I had to give up eating wheat, everyone was suddenly a nutritionist! I heard it all: it was just a fad, it was all in my head, I was being brainwashed, I was trying to get attention, my doctor didn't know what she was talking about, etc. And if that wasn't bad enough, people who were supposed to care about me and my health regularly made me ill with the wrong food because they just didn't take my restrictions seriously. I was afraid to eat anything I didn't prepare myself because, aside from the judgment, the vertigo and migraines I would battle for 24-48 hours after letting someone else decide how important my diet was to my health just wasn't worth the risk.
Y'all.
Why are we so hard on one another?
Does anyone have it all together? I certainly don't!
Does anyone ever feel like they have it all figured out? Not me! I'm winging it most days!
Where is the compassion, the tolerance, we claim we all need to learn to have for one another?
Freely give grace,
Sparingly give criticism,
Flee from condemnation,
And love with reckless abandon.
Assume the best in everyone around you,
Learn something from those who disagree with you,
And bite your tongue more often than not when you feel the need to tell someone else how to live.
Because does anyone really have the right to tell you how to live your life? Does anyone else really understand your situation? Of course not! So what do we gain by judging one another? Because now, we're fighting some undisclosed battle AND feeling inept while we do it!
Resist the temptation to judge someone else's life by yours.
We do not all have the same life experiences, talents, trials, and challenges.
We are not all fighting the same battles or learning the same lessons.
Your story is different from mine, and my story is different from yours. And that is okay.
Breathe. Smile more. Judge less.
When my youngest child was an infant, she didn't sleep well. I co-slept with her until she had her tonsils and adenoids removed at 2 years of age for obstructive sleep apnea, which I wouldn't have caught if I hadn't co-slept. All the while, my fellow mothers criticized me, telling me all the ways I was failing as a mother.
When that same child was toddler, I was the mother ignoring a screecher in her buggy at Target, because waiting for her to be in good spirits to do my shopping wasn't an option - she didn't like being restrained, and the bright lights and noise of the store bothered her, so there was never a good time to shop, and the shopping had to get done. My husband had a hard time dealing with her because she was so needy and demanding. You saw me in the store, and I knew you were judging me, but I didn't have much choice in how I handled the situation, so I tried to ignore the shaming looks and just buy the doggone diapers and groceries I needed to make it another few days.
When I decided to homeschool my children, people in my family and friend groups made gross assumptions about my motivation, criticizing my parenting, ridiculing my choice, and even grilling my oldest child about her lessons whenever they had the opportunity (which was whenever I wasn't around - shame on them!). Their constant interrogations made my daughter feel stupid and led her to wonder if I was a bad mom, if she wasn't learning enough... because, why else would all these grown-ups question what I was teaching her?!
When my health took a bad turn and I had to give up eating wheat, everyone was suddenly a nutritionist! I heard it all: it was just a fad, it was all in my head, I was being brainwashed, I was trying to get attention, my doctor didn't know what she was talking about, etc. And if that wasn't bad enough, people who were supposed to care about me and my health regularly made me ill with the wrong food because they just didn't take my restrictions seriously. I was afraid to eat anything I didn't prepare myself because, aside from the judgment, the vertigo and migraines I would battle for 24-48 hours after letting someone else decide how important my diet was to my health just wasn't worth the risk.
Y'all.
Why are we so hard on one another?
Does anyone have it all together? I certainly don't!
Does anyone ever feel like they have it all figured out? Not me! I'm winging it most days!
Where is the compassion, the tolerance, we claim we all need to learn to have for one another?
Freely give grace,
Sparingly give criticism,
Flee from condemnation,
And love with reckless abandon.
Assume the best in everyone around you,
Learn something from those who disagree with you,
And bite your tongue more often than not when you feel the need to tell someone else how to live.
Because does anyone really have the right to tell you how to live your life? Does anyone else really understand your situation? Of course not! So what do we gain by judging one another? Because now, we're fighting some undisclosed battle AND feeling inept while we do it!
Resist the temptation to judge someone else's life by yours.
We do not all have the same life experiences, talents, trials, and challenges.
We are not all fighting the same battles or learning the same lessons.
Your story is different from mine, and my story is different from yours. And that is okay.
Breathe. Smile more. Judge less.
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