Ignorance is bliss.
It's a common saying, and it is often true.
For me, however, I prefer to know. I don't like surprises. I prefer to know the possiblities and plan accordingly. I'm neither an optimist nor a pessimist. I just kind of hang out in the neutral zone, gathering information, running possible scenarios, playing with potentials until I feel prepared for as many possibilities as I can imagine.
Some people don't get it, and I've been told to just relax, not to worry, stop stressing, etc. As a Christian, I have even been told by well-meaning fellow-believers that if I'm worrying, I'm not trusting God.
As I have gotten older, though, I have come to realize something: I'm not so much stressing about things as I am accommodating what I have learned is slow processing speed. I do not like to be caught off-guard because it takes me a little more time to make sense of things than a lot of people. I have learned, therefore, to think things through until I have some options when a, b, c, or z are set before me.
Growing up, sudden things were often traumatic. Scary things would happen, and my brain would go into fight or flight mode - but for me, I would usually just freeze. Freezing keeps you from being a target or getting noticed, and it was defintely my go-to response to anything frightening or startling. Add to that being slower to process things, and I became conditioned to wait to respond until I fully understood the situation.
Into adulthood, I learned to pre-plan. I became very good at seeing possible scenarios before they happened. I was adept at being ready for most things before I was faced with them. It wasn't exactly worrying, it was more like preparing for a roadtrip with a lot of stops. I actually carried a lot of maps in my car. 😆
An example of how gifted I became at this can be seen in my surgical recovery last summer. By all accounts, my surgery was as rare as my condition, but I scoured all the research articles and personal accounts I could uncover, asking question after question about all the possibilities I could think of - and some questions that others asked that I didn't know to ask, I followed along for those answers, too! I watched YouTube videos of the different ways the surgery was performed, and I watched YouTube videos of individual accounts of the recovery.
Going into surgery, I knew what to expect, including many of the possible complications. I knew what my responsibilities were going to be in my healing, and I knew what to expect of others. There were a couple of snafoos that I couldn't have foreseen (which is bound to happen since I'm not psychic 😏), but I was pretty well informed, and my recovery was absolutely ideal. For me, being well-prepared pays off!
Recently, we were thrilled to find out that our oldest child is expecting our first grandbaby! (Side bar: I'm going to be a fantastic grandmother, I just know it!) But not long into the pregnancy, doctors discovered some complications that they are not being very optimistic about. In the face of that heartbreaking reality, I am doing what I always do: gathering information, trying to understand the options and possible outcomes, and trying to make sense of what it might all mean. In all of that, there are these "mini processing sessions," in which I am letting myself feel my feelings should any of those devastating outcomes be our reality, and letting myself hold onto hope that the best case scenario will be our story.
To some people, that all might seem pessimistic. But for people who process things more slowly, it is a sort of survival mechanism to prevent the freeze that comes after a startling discovery or a scary situation or even just bad news. By researching and planning, I can better prepare for the bad news and better understand the likelihood of good news. I can be aware of the possibilities so that I am ready to respond well when faced with one of them.
As I said, I do not like surprises. And I do not like to feel helpless, which is how freezing feels. So please do not ask planners to "stop worrying." It won't help, even if all they are doing is worrying. And it might look like worrying to you, when in reality, it might be a coping mechanism that person has learned to apply to a world that is often unpredictable and frightening. I often describe it as preparing for the worst while still hoping for the best.
Thank you for stopping by! 😊
It's a common saying, and it is often true.
For me, however, I prefer to know. I don't like surprises. I prefer to know the possiblities and plan accordingly. I'm neither an optimist nor a pessimist. I just kind of hang out in the neutral zone, gathering information, running possible scenarios, playing with potentials until I feel prepared for as many possibilities as I can imagine.
Some people don't get it, and I've been told to just relax, not to worry, stop stressing, etc. As a Christian, I have even been told by well-meaning fellow-believers that if I'm worrying, I'm not trusting God.
As I have gotten older, though, I have come to realize something: I'm not so much stressing about things as I am accommodating what I have learned is slow processing speed. I do not like to be caught off-guard because it takes me a little more time to make sense of things than a lot of people. I have learned, therefore, to think things through until I have some options when a, b, c, or z are set before me.
Growing up, sudden things were often traumatic. Scary things would happen, and my brain would go into fight or flight mode - but for me, I would usually just freeze. Freezing keeps you from being a target or getting noticed, and it was defintely my go-to response to anything frightening or startling. Add to that being slower to process things, and I became conditioned to wait to respond until I fully understood the situation.
Into adulthood, I learned to pre-plan. I became very good at seeing possible scenarios before they happened. I was adept at being ready for most things before I was faced with them. It wasn't exactly worrying, it was more like preparing for a roadtrip with a lot of stops. I actually carried a lot of maps in my car. 😆
An example of how gifted I became at this can be seen in my surgical recovery last summer. By all accounts, my surgery was as rare as my condition, but I scoured all the research articles and personal accounts I could uncover, asking question after question about all the possibilities I could think of - and some questions that others asked that I didn't know to ask, I followed along for those answers, too! I watched YouTube videos of the different ways the surgery was performed, and I watched YouTube videos of individual accounts of the recovery.
Going into surgery, I knew what to expect, including many of the possible complications. I knew what my responsibilities were going to be in my healing, and I knew what to expect of others. There were a couple of snafoos that I couldn't have foreseen (which is bound to happen since I'm not psychic 😏), but I was pretty well informed, and my recovery was absolutely ideal. For me, being well-prepared pays off!
Recently, we were thrilled to find out that our oldest child is expecting our first grandbaby! (Side bar: I'm going to be a fantastic grandmother, I just know it!) But not long into the pregnancy, doctors discovered some complications that they are not being very optimistic about. In the face of that heartbreaking reality, I am doing what I always do: gathering information, trying to understand the options and possible outcomes, and trying to make sense of what it might all mean. In all of that, there are these "mini processing sessions," in which I am letting myself feel my feelings should any of those devastating outcomes be our reality, and letting myself hold onto hope that the best case scenario will be our story.
To some people, that all might seem pessimistic. But for people who process things more slowly, it is a sort of survival mechanism to prevent the freeze that comes after a startling discovery or a scary situation or even just bad news. By researching and planning, I can better prepare for the bad news and better understand the likelihood of good news. I can be aware of the possibilities so that I am ready to respond well when faced with one of them.
As I said, I do not like surprises. And I do not like to feel helpless, which is how freezing feels. So please do not ask planners to "stop worrying." It won't help, even if all they are doing is worrying. And it might look like worrying to you, when in reality, it might be a coping mechanism that person has learned to apply to a world that is often unpredictable and frightening. I often describe it as preparing for the worst while still hoping for the best.
Thank you for stopping by! 😊
Comments
Post a Comment