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Perimenopause: What to Expect that You are NOT Expecting

Perimenopause: What to expect that you're NOT expecting.
Chapter 1: The Hot (Fire) Flash (Surge)

The fan must be on. In every room. And you are now Mr. Rogers. You have a sweater for every outfit. However, you live in tanks and short-sleeved shirts underneath because nakedness is frowned upon in public places and you must disrobe in haste, frequently. The socially-encouraged bondage device, a.k.a. the bra, is more despised than ever.

Fuzzy socks are your friend, because your circulation is poor and your skin is dry. You will end up with a pair in every room because you inevitably needed them off for extended periods and wandered away from them, only to need them again in another room.

Winter weather is both bone-chillingly cold and a delight to overheated skin. Sometimes simultaneously. Summer is intolerable.

Do not get me started on having a fever while experiencing a hot flash. 😳

And while we're mentioning it.... "Hot Flash" is not an adequate phrase for the rush of heat that surges through you and tries in vain to escape every pore of your skin as quickly as possible. You now radiate heat at unexpected moments, and others can feel it.

Nobody tells you these surges will change the texture of the hair on the base of your head. So that's a fun surprise. (Someone should tell the ladies at Great Clips so they stop making that face and acting like I want this multiple-personality hair.)

I remember my mother-in-law's nickname, Roastin' Rosie. Her husband always said it with a bit of a sing-song voice, a little giggle, and a besotted smile. It was endearing. The actual Hot Flash she was likely experiencing when she turned an unnatural shade of pink and sweat dotted her brow? Probably not so endearing.

I don't turn pink. Yet? That's either very reassuring or very distressing. Either I'm getting away with milder episodes than some who have gone before me (thank You, Jesus!), or I'm not yet to the worst of it. {shudder}

At any rate, prepare yourselves, friends! You can't quite be prepared, to be honest, because words cannot adequately convey the "hot flash." But just know: whatever it is like when you get there, however horrible and unnatural it feels, and however many times you might try to convince your husband, children, doctor, grocery store clerk, etc., that you MUST be dying because this is NOT 'just menopause,' it is, most likely, just menopause. But nobody told you what to expect. Not really. "Hot flash" is not a sufficient phrase for the surge of fire that bubbles up from within.

So. You're welcome?😬

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