Wednesday, February 18, 2009

When in Rome....

Okay, so taking the concepts of our political leaders to heart, I am going to totally revamp my household! Oh, am I ever excited!!!

First, and most importantly, I am putting a bill in the mailbox of everyone in my neighborhood. They live in the same neighborhood as we do, so they should have to help with my expenses! Oh, and since I will be getting some help with my bills, I need satellite television, too! Do you happen to have the number for DirectTV?? And the money paid will be directed however I choose, but the people who pay it will get incentives and reductions in their financial debt to me if they honor my rules for life: no political opinions allowed other than mine; no religious beliefs may be expressed unless they are in opposition to the majority religion; and minorities will be given extra incentives, just because.

Next, I am going to increase spending around here! I need to do my part to stimulate the economy, and really, that is what credit is for, right? Yay, a new living room set!! Oooh, and a laptop!

After that, I am going to give each of my children $1000 - to spend however they want - just for being alive. (Can I borrow $3000???) I am going to call it a refund on monies paid in, even though they never paid any monies toward this household's functioning.

And while we are discussing refunds, I am going to ask Target and Publix to give me my money back on all the foods that I purchased that were unhealthy - because, honestly, they shouldn't sell me foods that will harm me or my children!

Once that is all taken care of, I think we will take a sabbatical from all household work. There is no need to do any work, after all, since life should be easy, and someone else should be responsible enough to come clean our house. My kids deserve a clean house, don't they?!

Oh! And we really need to go give money to the drug dealers - it isn't their fault they spent all their illegally-obtained money on drugs; they still need food! So, I am going to rob the churches tonight (Shh!!), and go give the money to the druggies in the "hood" in Nashville. And I won't bring my gun when my children and I go to give them this money, because they will all be so grateful that we are there to give them money that we will be perfectly safe.

What do you think? Sounds great, doesn't it???

1 comment:

  1. This plan makes a lot of sense to me. Now, where's my check?