... on all of it.
Lately, i have realized how infrequently i feel confident in my job. As a mother, i fret about lost tempers and overreactions. As a wife, i worry over doing too little or expecting too much. As a teacher, i stress about the wrong fit for curriculum, child, activity, grade, attitude, etc. As a household manager, i panic over the bill that i forgot to pay and wonder at the laundry that piles up when i take a day away from the washer.
It seems there is always more to do, a better way to do it, and a feeling of being out of my element. There is always something i can improve, something i need to stop doing, and something i need to figure out... and generally, these happen simultaneously (not much surprise there!). All of it leaves me feeling like we are always in upheaval, i am seriously underqualified, and my kids are getting less than they deserve in me.
So, trying to get a handle on our household, i have been rearranging furniture and rooms to (hopefully) better suit our needs. Trying to get a handle on our education, i have implemented a summer adjustment period in which the oldest child has to get used to doing her schoolwork by herself and every day and the teacher (me) has to do a better job planning activities and lessons for all the kids. Trying to get a handle on our health, i am limiting junk food more than ever, increasing the fresh fruits and vegetables, learning how to freeze (and hopefully, i'll learn how to can this summer!), making even more stuff from scratch, and now... (gasp) i have had my first cup of coffee without my usual amount of flavored creamer (which is completely junk and soooo bad for me!).
Surely, we all face these hiccups in life, and i am confident that God will steer me through it to a calmer place... eventually. I just hope He has flavored creamer in Heaven when i get there....