i did NOT put my youngest child to bed in her clothes last night, and she is absolutely NOT currently wearing the same outfit.
i certainly did NOT eat my body weight in potato chips at a birthday party yesterday, so i expect NOT to have gained 5 lbs.
i am NOT sleeping in my daughter's bunkbed with her so she will get used to sleeping there sometime before she turns 18.
i did NOT catch a fly laying eggs in my daughter's sippy cup, and then i did NOT take them out and tape some of them to a slide so we could look at them under the microscope. i did, however, sterilize the entire kitchen and go on a maniacal fly-killing spree!! (you should definitely NOT ask the children what that looked like because it would NOT be at all embarrassing for me.)
Yesterday, i did NOT leave the house without my driver's license or debit card, and my husband did NOT also forget to bring his wallet, and we did NOT collectively decide to go to the store without realizing we had no way to pay. Yeah, and it was NOT at all humiliating to be standing at the checkout looking at each other like, "are you going to pay, or what?" before we both understood the problem.